We girls at Cotillion always have lively discussions and this weeks’ private, "sooper dooper" top secret yahoo group discussion has been some of the best (I’d tell you about it but then I’d have to kill you). I love being around smart women who are passionate and actually have something to say. I’m just lucky they let me be part of their group.

Okay, sappy love fest is over. Back to your regularly scheduled "non-blogging"…

I have always maintained that I have no real good taste in music. I just like what I like. But lately music has become very important to me. I totally have an entire soundtrack (that covers ALL of my moods) for what is going on for my life, which I thought would be fun to share:

1. Move Along (All American Reject)
2. Stronger (Britney)
3. Hurt (Johnny Cash version…haha, gotta love that)
4. Never Knew (Rocket Summer)
5. Take me Back (um…church? And it’s totally inspirational toward God, NOT a plea to my ex.)
6. Basket Case (Green Day)
7. King without a crown (Matisyahu — who can’t listen to reggae/ rap, Hasidic Jew style?)
8. Brat Pack (Rocket Summer)
9. Since You’ve Been Gone (Kelly Clarkson)

Yes. I am a complete freak.

Well maybe not a bad blogger per se, I actually prefer the term  "manic weekend blog warrior". I just can’t seem to keep up with the blogging habit…and honestly I can’t even keep up with the news (which if you knew me, you would know this is highly abnormal).

 It’s strange, I thought I needed introspection (hence: blog) but I am not doing well…um…introspecting. But I am doing well. And believe me, everytime anyone asks me how I am doing, I feel the intense need to convince them that I’m honestly doing well. They give me this look like they’re expecting me to fall apart any moment.

Well, guess what? No one died. I still have to live and I’m doing pretty well at it. Yes, I am extremely disappointed that my marriage failed. Yes, I am mourning the loss of my childhood dreams of prince charming. I am angry. And yes, I am scared to death that no one will ever want me again.

BUT. But I am also a very strong person. I have a pretty good job and I have a three year old who doesn’t allow any personal breakdowns (other than her own). I have God in my life and I feel love. I feel peace. And although I am not quite there yet, I feel like I can start to forgive some of the hurts done to me. Not because they deserve it but because I deserve not to live an angry and bitter life. And because I have seen what harboring resentment does to people. I am too good for that.  

So yes. Things suck. But it’s bearable. And it’s fine. And 75% of the time, I am happy and relieved and looking forward to moving on.  And the other 25% of the time? Well it’s not too bad either.

So how’s that for introspection?